My new partner has an absolutely repulsive tattoo

He’s generous and kind, but the ugly thing down the middle of his chest is an immediate turnoff

I’m in my late 30s and dating a man I met through an app and who I’m beginning to get deeper feelings for. We get on very well, he’s got a great sense of humour, he’s generous and kind, and he’s in a great job – which is a bonus. On our most recent date, I went back to his place and discovered he has a rather ugly, large tattoo down the middle of his chest and stomach (which he failed to mention up until then). I can tell you that it is the least attractive thing about him. That night, I made my excuses and went home fairly quickly. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t know if I can get past this. Help!”
-Repulsed
Good Lord, how bad can it be?! So, you’re on the escalator to hot and heavy. You’re in his flat. Clothes are flying everywhere and – wow – you’re slapped in the face with a deal-breaker. Here’s our concern: is this tattoo a desire deal-breaker, or is it a “this man has failed to check a box on my list of requirements” deal-breaker? 
You catalogue his many plusses. He is funny, generous, kind and very gainfully employed. Nice. You do not, at any point, mention that he is sexy. That you find him delicious. That you feel a strong attraction towards him. Do you? Are you using this tattoo as an excuse to swerve intimacy with a man who you do not feel a tingle for? Maybe you were so relieved (and, frankly, astonished) to have found a man, via an app, who looked like a truly viable possibility that you forgot to wonder about the chemistry. But we can develop chemistry. We can work on chemistry. The people we feel the most violent animal magnetism towards are often not the people we will end up building a life with. Odd but true. We can find that the flames of those sex fires are fanned by dysfunction and either explode or burn out, hurting us either way. If this tattoo repulsion is an excuse for lack of chemistry then you can slow down and work on that. Further deepen the emotional connection and you may find that you deepen the sexual connection. Bad sex can become great sex. Not always but sometimes. So why walk away from all his good qualities without a thorough exploration? If you feel ready to start again where you left off, then turn out the lights and see how things feel. If you are too fixated on the tattoo to do that then maybe you are just… fixated. 
It might be time to have a look at your deal-breakers, Repulsed. From where we are sitting this all sounds a little ruthless and – if you create reasons to continually prevent yourself getting close to people – you may find yourself getting in your own way when it comes to romance. You could have tatouazophobia (an irrational fear of tattoos – even certain designs) but your repulsion does not feel like a cellular terror. You may have absorbed what your parents thought of tattoos. You may just find them ugly. His tattoo may portray the name of an ex-lover or some kind of extreme political affiliation. But be careful. It’s just a tattoo and we all have a “least attractive” thing about us. You say you have deep feelings for this man. And yet, there he is, standing in front of you, half-naked and you run. Spend a moment wondering if perhaps you have too many rules for your partners. You know: he must be this height, have this much hair, this much income, these shoes etc. If you just don’t fancy him then that’s that. If you are doing yourself out of relationships because you see deal-breakers where another person might just see odd taste in curtains or unexpectedly hairy toes, then exercise caution. Your tone is oddly judgmental and distancing when you say that he “failed to mention” his tattoo until the last minute – as though he were harbouring some secret shame and preparing to ambush you with it when you were trapped. TRAPPED. Except you weren’t trapped and it is just a tattoo. 
If you suspect that you are, in fact subconsciously, laying traps for every prospective partner to trip up on then it’s time to take a look at why you are frightened to get close to someone. This is something you could talk about to a good therapist or a good friend. Life throws all sorts of things at couples and a tattoo seems like a pretty silly hurdle to fall down on. 
Dating is hard. “Have fun!” they say. “Lucky you!” they say. “What larks!” they say. Actually it’s tiring and a road often paved with disappointment. Talk to him about his tattoo. Understand its context and its story. Remember that it is a part of this kind, funny, generous, employed man’s context and story. If you are on the path to loving the man, might you learn to accept the tattoo? That said, if the truth is that kissing him makes you feel sick and you’re in a panic because he looks good on paper but you can’t face any sexual contact then it’s not about the tattoo, now, is it?